


If loving you is a dream

by Shir0_Tamaya



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Assertive Maruyama Aya, Aya tried her best, Cuddles, F/F, Failed Baking Attempt, First Kiss, Fluff, Happy Birthday Lisa!, Hurt/Comfort, Relationship Issues, these two beans are adorable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:00:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26117644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shir0_Tamaya/pseuds/Shir0_Tamaya
Summary: Aya’s plans to treat her girlfriend on her birthday result in a well needed talk between the two.
Relationships: Imai Lisa/Maruyama Aya
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	If loving you is a dream

**Author's Note:**

> Rip I tried to finish this in time but I just barely missed it. Anyways...  
> Happy birthday Lisa-chan!  
> The a bit of guilt and hurt burn just enough to make the comfort and fluff feel so much better :)  
> And guess what? I’m finally gonna write in third person

Aya was beginning to wonder if it was some kind of divine force that was making her screw up, because never in her life had her nerves ever created a disaster like this.

She had wanted to have a dinner date at her house for her girlfriend’s, Imai Lisa’s, birthday. It was a rather simple date, but she knew Lisa loved simple things like that. She didn’t need or want big fancy dates at restaurants or extravagant presents; she simply wanted to be with Aya, and Aya couldn’t have been happier. It was such a pure sentiment that made Aya squeal in bed, telling herself how cute her girlfriend was as she texted Chisato those same gay thoughts. The idol bassist would then politely tell her to shut the fuck up since it was 3 AM and she was trying to sleep.

However, despite Lisa’s own sentiment at desiring the simple things in romance, she didn’t seem to understand that Aya wanted the same. She seemed hellbent on spoiling and doting over the vocalist constantly, never giving Aya the chance to really do anything in return, always saying “Being by your side is enough for me!” or “I’m happy just being able to see you smile!” While she was happy her girlfriend was satisfied, being coddled all the time was starting to weigh heavily on her mind. For the year they had been dating, Aya had been unable to give her remotely close to anything Roselia’s bassist had given her. In fact, every time she had tried, Lisa had found a way to somehow reverse the situation and Aya would once again find herself the center rather than her partner.

If there was any day Aya could flip the tables and actually spoil her girlfriend, it was today, August 25th. She had a very strong and persuasive reason to stop Lisa from spoiling her. After all, it was her day, not Aya’s.

And so, she organized for the two to have a nice dinner and desert at her house. Afterwards, they’d be able to sit and watch the night sky on her veranda, chatting, cuddling and enjoying the light of the stars. That’s what was supposed to happen.

However...

“Uuuuu... why isn’t this working...?” Aya groaned as she threw out another botched cake.

Cooking wasn’t an issue for Aya. She had done it many times before since she’d sometimes have to make dinner for her little sister. However, the idol had never tried baking before. She figured it be just as easy considering all you had to do was follow some steps. Yet, looking at the drooping, rock-solid mass of baked batter in her garbage can was definitely destroying that ideology.

_ I’ve been putting in the right ingredients, so why isn’t the cake coming out right?! _

It was nearly time for Lisa to come as well, and Aya hadn’t even started prepping for dinner. Even if she stopped and tried to clean up, there was no way she’d have dinner ready in time for their date. In truth, she wasn’t sure if her oven could be salvaged. After the first few cakes, the inside of the oven had started to smell weird yet she couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong. When Aya attempted to check inside, she had forgotten to put the oven mitt back on and accidentally burned her hand on the hot rack. Needless to say, she forgo trying to fix it and simply continued on with her futile mission.

The cakes only seemed to get worse and worse as time progressed. The texture, the taste, the appearance, even the smell—everything was off.With every cake she dispensed in the garbage can, her confidence sank and with it, the image of her perfect date with Lisa.

“What am I going to do? I need a desert of some sort, but if I try again I’ll never get to dinner and neither of us will have anything to eat! And then-”

“Hello~? Aya?”

“-my mom is going to be so mad. I probably ruined her oven... I might be able to help pay for it but-”

“Heeey? Earth to Aya?”

“-oh this is all my fault! How could Lisa love such a mess of a-!”

“Aya!”

“Kya?!”

The vocalist nearly slammed her head into the countertop as she stumbled backwards in surprise. Thankfully, Lisa had quick reflexes and grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her into her arms.

“Are you okay? You’re not hurt at all, right?” The bassist asked, inspecting the girl with worry.

Aya tentatively nodded. “Y-Yeah... I’m alright, but when did you get here?”

“A few minutes ago,” she replied, continuing to inspect for injuries. “I rang the doorbell but you didn’t answer. You gave me a spare key so I let myself in. I called out to you a few times but you didn’t hear me at all. You had that scrunched up expression you get when you’re starting to panic.”

“Oh, I see...”

“Sooo, what were you up to? You’ve got quite the mess in here~”

“W-Well, that’s...”

—————

“Eh?! You’ve been trying to bake cakes since this morning and none of them worked?!”

Aya looked down at the floor miserably. It was embarrassing to even think about how pathetically she had failed. Despite all the work she had put in, she just couldn’t do it.

“I tried looking up better instructions to see if it’d help, but as you can see, it didn’t really work out,” she sighed, burying her face in her arms. “I’m sorry Lisa-chan... this is supposed to be your special day and yet I messed this whole night up...”

“Hey hey, it’s okay Aya, don’t blame yourself,” Lisa coaxed, placing a hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “Baking isn’t an easy thing. I made plenty of mistakes trying to get better. Knowing that you tried so hard to bake me a cake makes me really happy! You didn’t ruin this night at all.”

However, Aya simply shook her head, her eyes growing dark. “You’re not happy at all. You feel guilty, don’t you? You feel guilty that I did all this work for you, right? You feel like you don’t deserve it, right?”

Lisa opened up her mouth to reply, but no words came out. She hated it, but she was right.

“Lisa, I love being with you. You make me so happy, and you’ve done so much for me. You’re always satisfied with simply being together, or holding hands, or even just seeing me smile, and I’m the same way! I’m happy we can simply enjoy those simply things.”

Every day with her was like bliss, like she was living in some kind of dream. Being able to love someone, to cherish them from the bottom of her heart and spend her days with them—Aya couldn’t have been happier. For so long she though she’d never be able to have the kind of romance she had wished for. Holding her lovers hand or cuddling with her lover as they watched a movie seemed impossible for her. She had such little confidence in herself despite always trying to be positive and work hard. To her, the idea of having a partner was impossible. However, Lisa had accepted her. She had said yes and stayed by her side. She finally had obtained the happiness she had desired, she had finally found someone who could love her and yet-

“But, at the same time, I feel guilty for never being able to do more!” The idol continued, her eyes beginning to sting. Was she starting to cry? “I haven’t given you anything! Tonight was supposed to be the night. I finally had a night where I could finally give you the love and care you deserve and I screwed it all up!”

The bassist flinched when she heard muffled whimpers and sniffles emerge from Aya. When she had friends cry or even family, it wasn’t hard to soothe them and help them feel better. She’d sit by their side, listen to their issues, give them support and lend them a shoulder to cry on. Yet, she never knew what to do when Aya started to cry. Her heart ached in an agonizing way when she saw her tears and heard her sobs. Even so, her hand would hesitate to reach out to her. Lisa was afraid to accidentally hurt the girl. She didn’t want her delicate glass flower to shatter because of her own inability to help.

_But... I can’t just sit there and let her blame herself!_

“H-Huh...?! Lisa... chan...?!”

Without thinking, Lisa had pulled Aya into an embrace, squeezing her tightly into her chest. The smaller girl squirmed a bit in her grip, but she didn’t let her break loose.

_Haha, now I’ve done it now... my heart is beating like crazy. I wonder if Aya can hear it too...?  
_

“L-Lisa-chan, let go!”

“No.”

Aya pushed herself off just enough to look her girlfriend in the eyes with an angry glare. “Why?! Why are you doing this?! I don’t deserve you! So why are you holding me like this?!”

“You do deserve me! You deserve so much more than you realize!” She retorted back, her voice growing in volume. “There’s no reason to put yourself down like-”

“I could say the same to you!”

Lisa froze once again.

“You’re always putting yourself down, placing yourself so far below me. Somehow you’ve convinced yourself you don’t deserve my love and refuse to let me do anything for you! Yet, you still care for me and put me first, doting on me and pampering me like I’m a princess!”

“Aya I-”

“I used to want to be loved, to have such a wonderful romance and finally experience that feeling, yet now I realize there’s more to it. Being loved isn’t the only thing I want; I want to be able to give _you_ love! But right now, I can’t do that! I’m left here to be spoiled on by you while I have been able to do nothing to give back to you all the love you’ve shared. This relationship hasn’t been a loving pair, it’s been you alone loving me while I watch from a distance!”

The idol screamed out those last words before collapsing into her girlfriend, her shoulders shaking violently as sobs rocked throughout her body. She weakly hit her fists against Lisa’s chest. “You idiot... you dumb idiot...” she choked out between tears.

_What the hell have I done...?_

Lisa’s arms remained around Aya, but they were as stiff as sticks. Her words echoed inside her mind, bouncing about all the parts of her brain, delivering the message. Before, Lisa had been ready to tell Aya how amazing she was, how she deserved the world, how much she had given her, but her screams and shouts had shut down those words immediately. The answer to what she should do was right in front of her now, and it had taken far too long to notice.

“You’re right... I really am an idiot...”

The pinkette stopped her fists, slowly lowering them.

She went to continue, but her courage evaporated into the air. What exactly was she supposed to continue with? She didn’t have any sort of plan, nor was she sure what she would say would actually comfort her girlfriend in the end. Worst case, she’d anger her more and that would be the end of it all.

_No... it’s not comforting Lisa... stop trying to avoid the situation. This is a talk we’ve needed to have for a while now... this is simply... explaining my actions and reasons for what I’ve done..._

Gathering what little bravery she could muster, she shut her mind off and let her heart talk for her.

“I’ve been putting pressure on you without realizing... haven’t I?” she finally said, her voice trembling.

Her body stiffened, but she didn’t say word. However, the silence spoke volumes. Lisa laughed bitterly. She had hit the mark and it made her more angry at herself. 

“I wanted nothing more than to make you happy. Knowing that you were smiling was enough to fill me with so much joy. I didn’t need anything else. I just wanted to live in the moment with you, and simply enjoy our time.”

“Lisa-chan...” the idol murmured, relaxing into her arms.

“Yet, at some point, those feelings became twisted. I told myself that I had to give you everything you deserved, that you deserved so much more than me, that I barely deserved the smiles you gave me. Deep in my heart, I believed that I hardly deserved this happiness.”

“Why is that?”

“I guess... I was overwhelmed by the feeling of love haha~” she chuckled lightly in return. “I’ve always been one to care for others, doing whatever I can to lighten the mood and make others happy. In Roselia, everyone says I’m like the mom of the band, constantly doting on everyone, making sure everyone is doing well and so on. Yet, when you confessed to me, I realized I never really knew what it was like to be loved. Or more of the fact, I hadn’t really payed attention to anyone’s feelings towards me, romantic or platonic. I always focused on others and never on myself. Finally feeling and focusing on someone’s love for me was amazing... yet it scared me. It felt so foreign, so opposite to the usual. It felt too good to be true, like I was dreaming. ‘Is it okay for me to feel this?’ ‘Do I deserve this love?’ I found myself asking those questions. Eventually, I think it just felt so wrong that I forcefully tried to avoid feeling your love, opting to care and love you instead rather than being loved.”

_I always knew I was being selfish. Yet, it took her tears for me to see it... you idiot..._

She took a deep breath in and out, and look Aya in the eyes. “... that’s why I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I’ve pushed you away and hurt you for so long, and it took me until you were crying in front of me to notice. I’ve been such a terrible girlfriend, and a terrible friend, but I promise that will change. I’ll properly embrace your feelings and your love. I won’t coddle you like I was before. We’ll stand by each other as equals. I swear that you Aya. So please, will you give me another chance to be your partner?”

The pinkette could feel her tears re-emerge, the hot, watery feeling staining her cheeks once again. She clung onto Lisa, tucking her face away in her chest, sobbing profusely. It wasn’t fair of her, to tell her all of those feelings and then ask something like that. If she did that-

“You stupid dumb idiot...! Just tell me these things before they get to this scale! I’ll always listen to you no matter what! You can rely on me, and I’ll do my best to help you!”

Lisa’s eyes widened. “Does that mean-!”

“There’s no way I could refuse after all of that...!”

“Aya... thank you... I swear I’ll do better this time...”

_I swear it on this love we share..._

—————

“This truly turned out to be one mess of an evening...” Aya sighed as she stared off into the night sky.

The dinner plans were tossed after the rather emotional evening, and the two decided to just order some pizza to share. Lisa ran back to her house and brought back some cookies she had baked a few days ago, and now the couple were sitting out on Aya’s veranda, snuggled up next to each other and enjoying the night sky as they ate.

“It was, but I’m happy it ended up like that. We got a lot out of it,” Lisa smiled, grabbing another slice of pizza. “Besides, we still got to do the last thing on your date plan!”

“I guess so,” Aya said. “Though, I wish we were having that fancy pasta dish rather than pizza.”

“They’re both Italian so I think it’s close enough.”

“Not even!”

The pair laughed, the sound of their laughter sparking a warmth in their hearts, a feeling they both shared. As painful as it could be, it was also such an amazing feeling, one words could never explain in full. And finally, they both could share it with each other.

“Oh yeah, I haven’t given you your birthday present yet, have I?”

“Nope. I kinda forgot about this being my birthday date after that entire situation haha~”

“Geez... well, it’s not too late to receive it,” Aya grinned. “Well, do you want it?”

Lisa huffed. “Of course I’d want a present from you!”

“Okay, close your eyes!”

Lisa did as she was told, watching her world become pitch black and her other senses heighten at her lack of vision. The sounds of the chirping crickets, the soft blow of the breeze against her skin, the lingering taste of tomatoes in her mouth, and the smell of Aya’s perfume—their sensation seemed to only grow.

She fidgeted in nervousness and excitement, listening to the rustling of the blanket as Aya moved around. Lisa had no clue what to expect, so every inch of her was on high alert.

“Alright, open your eyes.”

The moment she did, her vision became nothing but pink, the smell of perfume filling her nose as a soft sensation pressed against her lips. It took her a couple of seconds to even realize what was happening, but the moment she did, heat rose in her face.

Aya’s lips were delicate and luscious. Just the thought alone that those lips were kissing her was enough to make her knees go weak, but the sensation was the real killer. It was soft like a cloud, yet it pulled her in like a magnet. With each passing second, she felt herself reciprocate the kiss, her own lips sinking deeper into the pleasurable feeling and her eyes fluttering shut. Lisa was practically whimpering as a part of her longed for something more, something deeper.

When Aya pulled away, a whine echoed from her mouth, the sensation ending too soon for her liking. Her girlfriend simply laughed in response.

“Hehe, who knew you’d end up liking the kiss _that_ much~ You’re a bit more dirty than I thought Lisa-chan~”

“Th-That’s-!” Lisa sputtered.

If her face wasn’t red before, it certainly was now. The cold air did nothing to fend against the hot sensation in her cheeks. She hadn’t expected Aya to be so assertive like that when it came to intimate actions. But, after witnessing it, and seeing the expression on her face, Lisa certainly didn’t mind having Aya being like that more often.

“Well~? Did you like your birthday gift~?” Her partner asked with a sly smirk.

The heat only seemed to increase. “... of course I did Aya... how could I not? I... I really liked that...”

“O-Oh,” Aya stuttered, not expecting the blunt truth. “Well, I-I’m glad you liked it Lisa-chan... I’m... I’m really glad.”

“Um... can we do it again?”

“If you’d like to, we can...”

“Really?”

“Really,” Aya giggled. “But before that, there’s one last thing I have to do.”

She wrapped her arms around Lisa’s neck, smiling brightly as she did so.

“Lisa-chan.”

In one swift action, she pecked her girlfriend’s cheek and nuzzled her head into those brown locks of her.

“Happy Birthday!”

And in that moment, they both shared the same thought:

_If loving you is a dream, then I never want to wake from it._

**Author's Note:**

> Haha, this ended up a bit shorter and angstyer than I thought  
> Also, they’re a bit OOC, but I did my best :3  
> I’m not really sure if this is good or not? I haven’t been able to write in a long while. I’ve had some major block but I wanted to get something out for the waifu’s bday! Even though I’m a day late rip  
> I ship these two so hard right now  
> The problem with that is the fact that they’re a rare pair and there aren’t any other fics of them together T-T  
> Yet I have such a gut feeling they’d be adorable together


End file.
